Mazel Tov, Rick Ross!

On October 8th, 2012, or the 22nd of Tishrei, in the year 5773, depending on your religious leanings, William Leonard Roberts II will be unleashing unto the masses his latest project, The Black Bar Mitzvah. The timing is strange, and not just because he's about twenty-three years past when one typically shakes free the clutches of their parents and joins the Jewish community as an adult. Rather, the timing is strange because some of us are still riding out to God Forgives, I Don't.

For a guy who is supposed to be getting more sleep, this prolific output seems a little dangerous, but for a label boss who's always led MMG by example, this looks just like the latest in a long line of power moves. Hindsight bias be damned, we should've seen this coming. Naysayers have been flooding c-sections across blogs everywhere since the announcement, clamoring about over-saturation, and also to dust off their latest fat jokes (now with a Hint of Hebrew!), but frankly, you can't argue against Ricky's strategy. As Rich Porter Part II told us, "numbers don't lie". Millions in mixtape downloads, strong viewership on the slew of vlogs these guys pump out, a powerful presence on rap radio, a healthy uptick in compilation sales, and a number one album in GFID. The brand is just getting bigger every time out, and while platinum still alludes Ross, the Maybach ball is, in many ways, just getting rolling.


Meek, who has shown that he might have the most crossover potential of any up-and-comer, still hasn't released his debut (miss me with that Kirko single though). Wale's reintroduction is out of the way, and he looks to be getting closer and closer to the path that he seemed destined for way back in 2008. Gunplay? He's settling into his role as rap's latest psychopathic entertainer, the recent BET debacle included. Then there's critically adored Stalley, hook machine Omarion (who Ross is hoping has a few Top 40 choruses up his sleeve) and recent signee Rockie Fresh. If you think The Black Bar Mitzvah is ill-timed, think again.

Whew. Never one to actually wade into the comments and try and butt heads with FuckYOUPayMe99, who ends every response with "Kendrick Lamar >>>> your favorite rapper", sometimes I feel it's necessary to fire back at rap's subculture of haters. With that out of the way, let's talk what to expect when Ross hits puberty on Monday. I mean, other than a hundred pretentious, highbrow think pieces about gobbling up cultural touchstones, deconstructing them, and then absorbing them into your own brand. Come on, that's a given.

An appearance from Jewpac Nashakur aka Drake Gretzky seems like a safe bet. Hell, lots of people were saying this should have been the title of their joint mixtape, which would be a good idea if we ignored the fact that Drizzy is an image-conscious, self-serious musician whose last album's cover still stands as the height of navel gazery. If Y.O.L.O was actually in the pipes, then they must have a bunch of records stashed, so I'm predicting Drake appears more than once. If you still remember "Stay Schemin" (and let's be honest, you do), then that's not a bad thing at all.

Other safe bets? A Jeezy diss? Definitely seems possible coming from Mr. Retaliation-Is-A-Must, though I can't decide if a flat-out diss track would be better than a ton of really obvious, lip-curled subliminals. Also, an insider has told me there will be a skit of Gunplay biting the head off a possum and threatening to disembowel Mike Knox, so you have that to look forward to.

While the haters anticipate a fall-off, I'll be waiting for another project in the vein of Rich Forever. Or at least a skit where he chants from the haftarah. I mean, it's a Bar Mitzvah after all.